1 00:00:00,335 --> 00:00:01,670 Max, I can't wait to go home... 2 00:00:01,837 --> 00:00:04,635 and illegally download that documentary about performance art. 3 00:00:04,843 --> 00:00:07,807 And I can't wait to go home and watch here comes honey boo boo. 4 00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:10,647 But first you have to see this. Her name's Marina abramović. 5 00:00:10,855 --> 00:00:13,528 She and her boyfriend did this piece called "confrontation"... 6 00:00:13,694 --> 00:00:16,075 where they just slapped each other's faces for days. 7 00:00:16,242 --> 00:00:19,164 Oh, yeah? My mom and her boyfriend did that too but they called it: 8 00:00:19,373 --> 00:00:21,335 "Who smoked the last cigarette?" 9 00:00:21,502 --> 00:00:24,006 No, really, it was pure art. She's a genius. 10 00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:26,929 How about you and I do a little art right now? 11 00:00:28,224 --> 00:00:30,436 [Gasps then chuckles] 12 00:00:31,063 --> 00:00:33,067 [Both laughing] 13 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:34,945 Aah! 14 00:00:35,154 --> 00:00:36,407 [Both laughing] 15 00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:39,830 What are they doing? 16 00:00:39,997 --> 00:00:43,754 I think they might be doing a scene from fifty shades of grey. 17 00:00:48,973 --> 00:00:51,437 - Aah! Okay, stop. Max: Okay. 18 00:00:55,069 --> 00:00:58,367 That's for suggesting we make a lip-sync video to "call me maybe." 19 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,354 [Speaking in korean] 20 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,368 What's up, my man? You look pretty down. 21 00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:22,832 My mother in Korea is working my last nerve, you know, Earl? 22 00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:27,217 Well, I didn't expect a back-and-forth here. 23 00:01:28,970 --> 00:01:31,392 Uh, Max, you wanna move in? 24 00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:34,481 Han, you can't let your mommy keep bullying you. 25 00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:37,487 Stand up to her. You're a 53-year-old man. 26 00:01:41,203 --> 00:01:44,293 Max, I am 29. 27 00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:46,087 What?! 28 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,886 I am 29. 29 00:01:50,053 --> 00:01:52,892 What do you got? A case of the Benjamin buttons? 30 00:01:54,396 --> 00:01:57,067 Caroline, han says he's 29. 31 00:01:57,235 --> 00:02:01,368 - What?! Han, are you sure? - Yes. 32 00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:03,038 What makes you think I am older? 33 00:02:03,205 --> 00:02:05,168 Well, everything. Your hair, your clothes... 34 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:08,215 the $5 check you gave me for my birthday. 35 00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:17,275 Hi, can I help you? Oh, that sounded so Sincere. 36 00:02:18,319 --> 00:02:20,948 Well, when you're in my section, you'll meet the real me. 37 00:02:21,115 --> 00:02:22,786 I have one question. 38 00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:26,084 - Do you want to live? - Actually today, I could go either way. 39 00:02:26,585 --> 00:02:27,712 You see this? 40 00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:31,303 Go around the diner and have everyone fill it with the contents of their purse. 41 00:02:31,470 --> 00:02:32,972 And if you do, nobody gets hurt. 42 00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:35,937 Okay, okay. But I don't know how much you're gonna collect here. 43 00:02:36,104 --> 00:02:38,317 I mean, most of these customers pay with coins... 44 00:02:38,484 --> 00:02:40,363 or fresh tomatoes from their garden. 45 00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:44,120 Earl, listen up. We're being robbed by that man in the suit. 46 00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:46,667 He wants everyone to empty their stuff into this bag. 47 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:50,883 Uh, Max, I've been on both sides of this situation... 48 00:02:53,889 --> 00:02:56,603 and the best thing to do is play along. 49 00:02:57,897 --> 00:03:00,737 Okay, Caroline, I'm gonna tell you something... 50 00:03:00,903 --> 00:03:02,532 and I don't want you to react. 51 00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:05,663 I knew you were gonna get pregnant. Damn it! 52 00:03:06,248 --> 00:03:08,377 All right, fine. We'll get through this together... 53 00:03:08,544 --> 00:03:12,677 No. Look, we're being robbed, and that guy in the suit might have a gun. 54 00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:14,264 - Aah. Max: No, no, no. 55 00:03:14,431 --> 00:03:16,184 Just do what I say and stay calm. 56 00:03:16,351 --> 00:03:18,606 I need you to empty your purse into the trash bag. 57 00:03:19,858 --> 00:03:23,699 I can't believe this is happening. Just when I saved $2. 58 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,459 Max, I can't die. And I certainly can't die in this ugly uniform. 59 00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,128 I mean, it looks good on you. 60 00:03:34,262 --> 00:03:36,225 Are you having a heart attack? 61 00:03:37,059 --> 00:03:39,146 I'm peeing. 62 00:03:41,485 --> 00:03:45,410 - What do you mean? - I'm really freaked out and I'm peeing. 63 00:03:46,662 --> 00:03:49,918 - I can't stop. - Just stop. Stop! Clench it. 64 00:03:50,085 --> 00:03:51,212 Okay. 65 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:53,467 Nope. Can't. 66 00:03:54,511 --> 00:03:57,600 - Step out from behind the counter. - Sorry, sir. I can't. 67 00:03:57,767 --> 00:04:01,400 - Why? - Well, um, I'm peeing. 68 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,529 Still? 69 00:04:03,696 --> 00:04:06,952 Out of the way, girls, I'll take down this... whoa! 70 00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:09,875 Get away from him. 71 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,212 You need to get out from behind the counter now... 72 00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:14,259 Please, take her, not me! 73 00:04:15,386 --> 00:04:17,682 - What's happening? - Han, we're being robbed! 74 00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:23,527 So sorry. Please take everything that is in my Manny-pack. 75 00:04:24,654 --> 00:04:27,494 Would it be possible if I took my prayer beads out? 76 00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:31,293 They've been in my family for hundreds and hundreds of... 77 00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,173 I don't think so, homeboy. 78 00:04:39,684 --> 00:04:42,272 You're in my house now, bitch. 79 00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:52,000 Max: Here's what's left in the bag. 80 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,965 Nope. Sorry, I don't see your dignity. 81 00:04:55,132 --> 00:04:58,639 Max, don't. Isn't it enough that I'm wearing dishwasher whites... 82 00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:01,436 that have been around since the invention of b.O.? 83 00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:07,907 Look at that. Something ate right through the swiffer. 84 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,287 And I don't think it was the bleach. 85 00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:14,337 How will you ever live with the shame? 86 00:05:14,838 --> 00:05:16,758 Can you believe that is the man who saved us? 87 00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:19,013 Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. 88 00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:23,689 I saw nun-Chucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun. 89 00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:25,902 Well, good night, ladies. 90 00:05:26,068 --> 00:05:28,991 I thought we all acted very brave tonight. 91 00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:31,997 Well, some of us. 92 00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:37,884 Oh, yeah, I had a trauma and I urinated. Ha, ha, that's hilarious. 93 00:05:38,176 --> 00:05:39,679 Yeah, you might need some counseling. 94 00:05:39,846 --> 00:05:42,017 I could drop you off at a therapist on the way to my... 95 00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:44,981 "i was a human shield" support group. 96 00:05:45,148 --> 00:05:47,194 Am I ever gonna live this down? 97 00:05:47,362 --> 00:05:51,662 - It happened like ten minutes ago. - Okay, let's move on. 98 00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:53,039 [Scoffs] 99 00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:56,003 Oh, look. Someone left a coupon for free movie popcorn. 100 00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:59,176 Oh. I'd love to escape to a movie after my... 101 00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:02,140 Oh, I'd just love to escape. 102 00:06:02,642 --> 00:06:05,355 How much are movies now? Like 200 bucks? 103 00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:08,487 Unless you go with me, in which case it is free. 104 00:06:08,654 --> 00:06:11,743 I'll take you tomorrow. I've been sneaking into theaters since I was 2. 105 00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:14,708 I crawled into the little mermaid with a sack full of cheerios... 106 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,795 and a baby bottle full of diet coke. 107 00:06:20,428 --> 00:06:24,561 You know, Chestnut, the only thing that got me through that robbery was you. 108 00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:26,940 I kept thinking, who will take care of you? 109 00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:29,946 Because you can't count on blondie selfish-pants... 110 00:06:30,113 --> 00:06:33,119 who used me as a human shield and then peed herself. 111 00:06:33,704 --> 00:06:35,791 Do not tell Chestnut I peed myself. 112 00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:39,466 He's the only one from my circle who still talks to me. 113 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,762 As I was saying, Chestnut... 114 00:06:41,929 --> 00:06:44,893 i would have taken a bullet for her, but she put herself first. 115 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,730 And that's okay. It's fine. 116 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:49,026 Max, I'm surprised you're even affected by this. 117 00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:51,197 I mean, weren't you shot as a baby? 118 00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:54,161 I feel like you told me that. 119 00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:57,543 No, I told you I drank shots as a baby. 120 00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:59,589 My mother hated to drink alone. 121 00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:04,306 Okay, what free movie should we see? Maybe something with a fanning in it? 122 00:07:04,474 --> 00:07:07,187 I'll see anything. Unless it's in 3D. 123 00:07:07,354 --> 00:07:09,484 I mean, if stuff's gonna be flying at my face... 124 00:07:09,651 --> 00:07:11,697 I'd better get a free prime rib out of it. 125 00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:13,784 So, what do we do, Max? What do we do? 126 00:07:13,993 --> 00:07:16,038 Hide in the back alley till the coast is clear... 127 00:07:16,205 --> 00:07:18,752 and when the door opens, make a break for it? Ha, ha. 128 00:07:18,919 --> 00:07:21,675 No, because it's not the 1940s. 129 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,430 We just go right up in the Usher's face, make an excuse... 130 00:07:24,597 --> 00:07:26,476 and then boldly walk with purpose. 131 00:07:26,643 --> 00:07:28,605 Okay, well, just show me how. You can direct me. 132 00:07:28,772 --> 00:07:30,442 I've done a lot of plays. 133 00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:34,241 I could do my "Eliza Doolittle before she was civilized" walk. 134 00:07:35,035 --> 00:07:37,289 [In cockney accent] Hello, governor. 135 00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:42,925 Wow, that was just ugly. I wish I hadn't seen it. 136 00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:45,138 All right. Just watch me. 137 00:07:47,142 --> 00:07:48,979 Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip. 138 00:07:49,146 --> 00:07:50,566 Walk. Walk. 139 00:07:51,485 --> 00:07:53,404 [Normal voice] Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip. 140 00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:55,576 Walk. Walk. 141 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:59,333 Good. But easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith. 142 00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:00,586 [Knocking on door] 143 00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:08,226 Oh, hi, girls. Oh, I heard what happened. 144 00:08:08,393 --> 00:08:14,113 Max, you got pushed in front of a gun. You must be very pissed. 145 00:08:15,616 --> 00:08:18,831 Oh, Caroline, oh, what a nice outfit. 146 00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:22,547 On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight. 147 00:08:22,714 --> 00:08:26,137 Get it? "Urinate." Ha-ha-ha. 148 00:08:30,145 --> 00:08:31,898 How do you even know what happened? 149 00:08:32,065 --> 00:08:36,700 Oh, well, Oleg told me when we were upstairs playing hide the penis. 150 00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,040 And we laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves... 151 00:08:40,206 --> 00:08:43,589 but we didn't, because we're not you. 152 00:08:45,508 --> 00:08:47,179 Actually, we're going to a movie. 153 00:08:47,345 --> 00:08:49,433 Oh, well, that's nice. 154 00:08:49,601 --> 00:08:53,107 I hope you're gonna wear your big-girl pants. 155 00:08:53,274 --> 00:08:54,611 Sophie and Max: Ha-ha-ha. - Max. 156 00:08:54,778 --> 00:08:55,946 What? It's silly and funny. 157 00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:58,994 She's like a Polish fart cushion. 158 00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:02,877 Look, if it makes you feel better, there can't be any pee jokes left. 159 00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:07,386 What are you seeing, something rated pee-pee 13? 160 00:09:07,553 --> 00:09:09,557 [Both laughing] 161 00:09:10,308 --> 00:09:13,649 - Fart cushions are funny. - Ha-ha-ha. 162 00:09:16,362 --> 00:09:18,408 There's the guy. I'm getting a little nervous. 163 00:09:18,617 --> 00:09:21,665 I'm starting to sweat like those people on locked up abroad. 164 00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:24,587 I don't know why. I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon. 165 00:09:24,754 --> 00:09:27,050 Okay, let's go. Pretend we're out of breath. 166 00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:29,263 [Caroline panting] 167 00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,559 Out of breath, not out of your mind. 168 00:09:33,396 --> 00:09:36,152 Hey, sorry, can I just run back into the theater for a second? 169 00:09:36,318 --> 00:09:37,404 I left my iPhone... 170 00:09:37,571 --> 00:09:39,826 and the prescription for her medication is on it. 171 00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:42,038 - Which theater were you in? - Theater 5. 172 00:09:42,205 --> 00:09:43,917 Went to the 11:15, got out at 1:20. 173 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,963 A little long. Could have cut 10 from it. 174 00:09:46,172 --> 00:09:48,009 We'll be right back. 175 00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:53,854 Wow, your walk with purpose is getting almost as impressive... 176 00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:57,027 as han's "bang, bang, you're in my house now, bitch!" 177 00:09:57,194 --> 00:09:58,279 I know. 178 00:09:58,446 --> 00:10:01,828 What about han? Before yesterday, we thought he was 53 and unarmed. 179 00:10:01,995 --> 00:10:04,583 I guess we learn something new about people every day. 180 00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:07,464 Like how we learned that when you get nervous, I'm disposable. 181 00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:10,136 That was very uncharacteristic of me. 182 00:10:11,138 --> 00:10:15,731 Hi, um, hallelujah. Cool name, by the way. 183 00:10:16,106 --> 00:10:19,446 - How you doing today, hallelujah? - Bitter. 184 00:10:19,613 --> 00:10:23,079 They wouldn't let me put an exclamation point on my name tag. 185 00:10:23,246 --> 00:10:26,460 Um, is there any way you could make a fresh batch of popcorn? 186 00:10:26,628 --> 00:10:29,843 I could, but it takes 10 minutes and your show starts in two. 187 00:10:30,009 --> 00:10:32,430 Actually, it takes three, and I can miss a few trailers. 188 00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:34,143 I used to work at a cineplex five. 189 00:10:34,309 --> 00:10:36,898 Oh, so now you just know everything about life. 190 00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:42,200 Come on! The opening scene sets up where he gets his superpowers from. 191 00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:46,167 Hey, hallelujah here is doing the best he can. 192 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:49,799 I mean, based on his name, his parents clearly had bigger dreams for him. 193 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:53,222 It's not his fault you guys showed up two minutes before the show starts. 194 00:10:53,389 --> 00:10:55,560 Maybe next time you'll show up 10 minutes early... 195 00:10:55,728 --> 00:10:57,815 without the attitude and the fidgety exhaling. 196 00:10:57,982 --> 00:11:00,612 - You think hallelujah doesn't hear that? - He does. 197 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,578 Sorry to be such a problem. We'll take whatever you've got ready. 198 00:11:04,746 --> 00:11:06,875 No, girl. I got you. 199 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,962 I'm gonna make you a fresh batch. 200 00:11:09,129 --> 00:11:11,050 Hallelujah? Could I have some fresh too? 201 00:11:11,217 --> 00:11:13,596 You'll get the burnt ones and like it, nerd. 202 00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:19,358 Let's sit down there. 203 00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:23,324 Oh, I'm not sticking to the floor yet. Fancy theater. 204 00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:26,622 Oh, hey, guys, hope I wasn't too hard on you out there. 205 00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:30,255 - Nice cape. - Thanks. I had it in my backpack. 206 00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:32,509 - I wasn't sure. Max: Hmm. 207 00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:37,812 You made the right choice. 208 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:41,820 She likes my cape. 209 00:11:41,987 --> 00:11:44,993 Technically, she likes your sister's cape. 210 00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:49,585 Okay, so I don't know anything about these superhero movies. 211 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,340 It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel? 212 00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:54,846 - I'm already confused. - Okay, so... 213 00:11:55,013 --> 00:11:56,599 there's always a nerdy guy... 214 00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:58,185 [Max whistles] 215 00:11:59,479 --> 00:12:02,402 and he's either been wronged or bitten or exposed to something toxic... 216 00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:03,613 that gives him powers. 217 00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:05,951 He's in love with a girl who his rival tries to kill... 218 00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:08,247 but won't, because they have to make another movie. 219 00:12:08,414 --> 00:12:10,836 Also partial nudity, product placement, dope explosions... 220 00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:13,842 and a killer score by hans zimmer. 221 00:12:14,009 --> 00:12:16,180 Okay, your knowledge of these superhero movies... 222 00:12:16,347 --> 00:12:18,643 is kind of turning me on right now. 223 00:12:20,563 --> 00:12:22,902 Wait, are you kidding me? 224 00:12:23,069 --> 00:12:25,156 The hero has red hair as a child? 225 00:12:25,323 --> 00:12:29,414 Um, weird because when he grows up, he has black hair! 226 00:12:29,581 --> 00:12:31,460 Was there some sort of chemical spill? 227 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:34,716 Which, by the way, wasn't in the original comic book! 228 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,430 - What am I, dumb? - Okay, okay, come on. 229 00:12:37,597 --> 00:12:40,144 - Let's go to another movie. - What are you talking about? 230 00:12:40,311 --> 00:12:42,900 Well, you obviously hate this. You're yelling at the screen. 231 00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:45,571 Yelling at the screen is the best part of going to movies... 232 00:12:45,738 --> 00:12:47,617 and more white people should learn that. 233 00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,208 [Car explodes on screen] 234 00:12:52,294 --> 00:12:54,172 Girl [On screen]: Aah! - Oh, wow, look at that. 235 00:12:54,339 --> 00:12:56,803 That car just exploded in front of those two girls... 236 00:12:56,970 --> 00:13:02,355 and one didn't use the other's body to block her from the flying debris. 237 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,069 Are you ever gonna let this go? 238 00:13:05,236 --> 00:13:07,324 I don't know, I mean, it was kind of a big deal. 239 00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:08,869 You put my life in danger. 240 00:13:09,077 --> 00:13:14,421 Well, I've apologized about it twice. I don't know how much more I can do. 241 00:13:16,091 --> 00:13:22,729 Yeah, I could have died, but you apologized twice, so I guess we're good. 242 00:13:23,189 --> 00:13:25,819 I don't like this movie. It's violence against women. 243 00:13:25,986 --> 00:13:28,324 Let's go see that Katherine heigl rom-com sequel. 244 00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:31,580 Talk about violence against women. 245 00:13:31,747 --> 00:13:33,709 I am gonna go spend some time with Katie heigl. 246 00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:35,505 At least she won't make me feel guilty. 247 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:40,306 See you. Enjoy three "walking on sunshine" montages. 248 00:13:43,312 --> 00:13:45,233 I don't wanna go to a movie by myself. 249 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,280 And you're right, I'm sorry. I hate the way I acted. 250 00:13:48,447 --> 00:13:50,743 I'm a spoiled rich girl, i always put myself first... 251 00:13:50,911 --> 00:13:53,040 and I know that's something you would never do. 252 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,877 Shut up. 253 00:13:56,463 --> 00:13:58,844 Max, I think I just saw han. 254 00:14:00,304 --> 00:14:02,600 Max: It is han. What's he doing here? 255 00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:04,521 Why's he sitting all the way in the back? 256 00:14:04,688 --> 00:14:08,571 I don't know, maybe he's afraid of blocking absolutely no one's view. 257 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:12,955 And who is that guy and girl he's sitting with? 258 00:14:13,497 --> 00:14:16,211 Is han in a threesome? 259 00:14:16,795 --> 00:14:19,676 - Does he secretly have game? - Heh. Please. 260 00:14:19,843 --> 00:14:23,894 The only game han has is "one, two, buckle my shoe." 261 00:14:24,853 --> 00:14:30,364 Wait, he's leaving, and so is the guy he was sitting next to. 262 00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:33,079 Did han just get more interesting? 263 00:14:33,245 --> 00:14:35,333 We have to follow him. 264 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:40,051 Oh. He can blast a wall with his thoughts, but he can't get out of handcuffs? 265 00:14:40,259 --> 00:14:42,764 Even I could get out of handcuffs! 266 00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:46,688 - Have fun being lied to. - You're right. You're always right. 267 00:14:46,855 --> 00:14:49,069 Hey, are you seeing anyone? 268 00:14:49,361 --> 00:14:51,782 That was hard to watch. 269 00:14:55,373 --> 00:14:58,087 Caroline: Why is he going to the bathroom with that stranger? 270 00:14:58,254 --> 00:15:01,093 Is han also a republican senator? 271 00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,013 Usher. 272 00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,699 Are all men's rooms this depressing? 273 00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:16,165 We are such different people. I was gonna say how nice it is. 274 00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:20,757 I don't hear sex sounds, and he's not on the changing table. 275 00:15:22,135 --> 00:15:24,139 So maybe drugs are involved. 276 00:15:24,306 --> 00:15:26,518 You think han's an Asian drug dealer? 277 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:29,524 What's he selling? Crystal math? 278 00:15:29,691 --> 00:15:31,904 - Oh, look, han's coming. - Oh, gross. 279 00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:35,620 No, no. I meant he's coming this way. 280 00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:39,044 You're running. Don't run. 281 00:15:39,211 --> 00:15:43,302 It's han. For him every step we take is like a hundred-meter dash. 282 00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:46,099 Sorry, you're the one who doesn't want han to see us. 283 00:15:46,308 --> 00:15:48,395 I don't want that kind of relationship with him. 284 00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:52,111 You mean the kind of relationship where you see someone you know and say hello? 285 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,658 Yeah, I definitely don't want that. 286 00:15:55,326 --> 00:15:58,541 - Ladies, may I see your tickets, please? - Tickets? Max, do you...? 287 00:16:02,257 --> 00:16:05,096 Can I see your tickets, please? I saw you go into another theater. 288 00:16:06,056 --> 00:16:09,896 - Caroline? - Hi, honey! 289 00:16:11,358 --> 00:16:12,735 Hello? 290 00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:15,993 Honey, I forgot my ticket. He has my ticket. 291 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,664 Han, this nice Usher man thinks I snuck into the theater. 292 00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:20,418 So just show him the tickets. 293 00:16:20,626 --> 00:16:23,090 Uh, uh.... 294 00:16:24,426 --> 00:16:27,265 - You two are together? - Yeah, why? 295 00:16:27,432 --> 00:16:31,732 Oh, it's nothing. None of my business, but he just seems too old for you. 296 00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:34,905 - He's 29. - What?! 297 00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:36,491 Uh.... 298 00:16:36,658 --> 00:16:39,414 I'm gonna have to see you and your girlfriend's tickets. 299 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,712 - I thought I put the ticket in here. - Tickets. 300 00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:47,972 - You put two tickets in there, honey. - Um, okay. 301 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,897 I cannot find it. Them. 302 00:16:52,065 --> 00:16:55,488 Sir, you know that sneaking into a theater is a felony, right? 303 00:16:55,655 --> 00:16:57,534 It is? 304 00:16:59,955 --> 00:17:01,625 Hon, what's that face? 305 00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:04,506 It's the same face I made when I peed... 306 00:17:05,299 --> 00:17:08,012 Oh, honey. 307 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,685 How will I live with the shame? 308 00:17:10,851 --> 00:17:12,313 Well, at least your Fanny pack... 309 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,985 isn't the most embarrassing thing about you anymore. 310 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,506 Well, well, well. Look who it is. 311 00:17:25,673 --> 00:17:28,053 Hair-flip-and-go. 312 00:17:28,637 --> 00:17:31,435 I don't know what you're doing, but it feels weird. 313 00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:35,067 Now look who's walk, walk, walking with purpose away from me. 314 00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:36,778 - Again. - What? 315 00:17:36,945 --> 00:17:38,782 - It wasn't a big deal. - Really? 316 00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:41,037 Because I went to movie jail with han. 317 00:17:41,204 --> 00:17:43,250 - Cool. - We have a mug shot. 318 00:17:43,417 --> 00:17:46,340 We're a notorious gangster couple now down at the cineplex. 319 00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:50,681 That's right, han-nie and Clyde. But you know what? I'm fine. 320 00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:54,731 I'm thrilled, actually, because you walking away gave me one thing. 321 00:17:54,898 --> 00:17:58,029 An unobstructed view of my sweet, sweet ass? 322 00:17:58,197 --> 00:18:02,121 No. The satisfaction of knowing that you are just as selfish as me. 323 00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:04,292 What a selfish thing to say. 324 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:07,423 Oh. You can walk, walk, walk away from me, Max. 325 00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:10,471 But you can't walk away from knowing that you split the scene. 326 00:18:10,638 --> 00:18:12,308 What? I thought you were behind me. 327 00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:14,271 And besides, we couldn't both get caught. 328 00:18:14,437 --> 00:18:17,235 Who would live to tell the tale of the great Caroline Channing: 329 00:18:17,402 --> 00:18:19,322 "The girl who couldn't walk fast enough"? 330 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,952 Oh, no, no, no. Don't turn this around. 331 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,833 Now I see it, the whole "Max" of it all. 332 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,755 When we got caught, you only thought about saving yourself... 333 00:18:27,922 --> 00:18:29,926 and you weren't defending poor hallelujah... 334 00:18:30,136 --> 00:18:32,307 you just wanted fresh popcorn for yourself. 335 00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:34,436 What can I say? I guess you're onto me. 336 00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:36,481 You said you'd take a bullet for me. 337 00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:38,444 You'd never take a bullet for me. 338 00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:40,531 Probably not. No one ever takes a bullet. 339 00:18:40,698 --> 00:18:42,994 It's just something people say that they don't mean. 340 00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:46,793 Like "how was your day?" Or "we'll stop if it hurts." 341 00:18:51,178 --> 00:18:53,390 Wow. So this is who we are, huh? 342 00:18:53,557 --> 00:18:55,686 Two selfish girls who always put ourselves... 343 00:18:55,853 --> 00:18:59,109 before everyone else and are willing to do anything to survive? 344 00:18:59,277 --> 00:19:00,363 Guess we are. 345 00:19:00,529 --> 00:19:02,992 Man, we're gonna crush the cupcake competition. 346 00:19:03,619 --> 00:19:05,498 But, Max, even though we're ruthless... 347 00:19:05,706 --> 00:19:08,295 every now and then, on our behalf, we do put ourselves second. 348 00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:11,343 And I guess that's what makes us best friends. 349 00:19:11,968 --> 00:19:14,516 - I don't think I've ever done that. - Yes, you have. 350 00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:17,897 You let me stay on your couch when I had no place to stay. 351 00:19:18,064 --> 00:19:21,822 - I guess I did. - And I gave you.... 352 00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:25,078 Go ahead. 353 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:29,421 Well, there must be something where I didn't put myself first. 354 00:19:29,587 --> 00:19:31,842 Let me know when you find it. 355 00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:36,893 Sophie, just look at you. 356 00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:39,399 You couldn't look more scrumptious. 357 00:19:39,566 --> 00:19:44,074 Oh, maybe I could, with a little chocolate drizzled on me. 358 00:19:47,498 --> 00:19:49,627 Oh, good, there you are, han. 359 00:19:49,794 --> 00:19:53,594 I just have one question that I have to ask you. 360 00:19:53,802 --> 00:19:57,727 What is your favorite musical? Is it the wiz? 361 00:19:57,894 --> 00:19:59,898 [Sophie laughing] 362 00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:03,447 "Wiz," Max! I found another one, right? 363 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,951 How do you even know about this? 364 00:20:06,118 --> 00:20:09,793 Oh, Oleg told me while we were having phone sex. 365 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:14,886 And by "phone sex," she means we were using the phone in the sex. 366 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,600 Don't worry, han. 367 00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:20,815 A lot of older men can't control their bladder. 368 00:20:20,981 --> 00:20:23,362 I am twenty-freaking-nine! 369 00:20:23,987 --> 00:20:26,200 What?! Ha-ha-ha. 370 00:20:30,251 --> 00:20:34,467 - I am humiliated, Max. - Hey, listen to me. 371 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:37,306 You didn't sell Caroline out. A lot of people would have... 372 00:20:37,473 --> 00:20:40,855 but you just stood there like a man and peed your pants. 373 00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:43,277 That's true. I did. 374 00:20:43,444 --> 00:20:46,198 By the way, why were you at the movies in the middle of the day? 375 00:20:46,408 --> 00:20:49,706 Sometimes people bug me and I need some time away. 376 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,212 You know what, han? You're cool. 377 00:20:53,422 --> 00:20:57,680 We're gonna hang sometime. Not now, not in a week, but in the future. 378 00:20:58,181 --> 00:21:00,478 I'm just saying, I've got my eye on you.